While compatibility, respect and mutual attraction are vital to a healthy relationship, research validates that praying with your spouse can strengthen marriages — something symbolized by the exchange of wedding bands. It can increase relational commitment and satisfaction, reduce infidelity and promote spiritual growth.
Researchers found that when couples pray daily for one another, their hearts thicken with compassion and agape, or selfless love.
1. Increases Relational Commitment and Satisfaction
In a few studies, researchers found that couples who regularly pray together are happier and more satisfied with their marriages. The researchers believe that the reason for this is that praying with a spouse creates a strong feeling of intimacy. During prayer, husbands and wives can share their deepest feelings and concerns with each other, and they can also communicate about the things that are important to them in their relationships.
This regular communication builds a strong foundation for a happy marriage, and it can help to keep problems from escalating. Many couples are afraid to talk about their relationship issues, but if they commit to praying for each other regularly, they will be more comfortable with sharing their thoughts and feelings with one another.
Some research also shows that couples who pray for their spouses experience a greater sense of satisfaction and commitment in their marriages. In one study, couples who regularly prayed for their spouses had lower levels of infidelity than those who did not regularly pray for their spouses. Researchers believe that the reason for this is that couple who pray for each other develop a stronger belief that their marriages are sacred, and this leads to fewer infidelity episodes.
Other research indicates that praying for a spouse can also soften angry feelings. In fact, many people report that the decision to pray or the act of praying itself helps them to let go of their anger and focus on the needs of their spouses. Couples who regularly pray for each other will be more likely to view their spouses as “partners” instead of enemies, and they will work harder to overcome conflict.
2. Reduces Infidelity
Infidelity is a real and serious issue in many marriages. Several studies have found that prayer can reduce the likelihood of infidelity. One study involved couples who were asked to pray daily for their partners for four weeks. Couples who prayed daily for their partners engaged in less outside romantic activity than those who did not pray daily. The study also showed that this was true regardless of whether or not a couple was satisfied with their current relationship.
Researchers believe that prayer reduces infidelity by providing a level of insulation against the common vulnerabilities that lead to marital infidelity. This protection may be due to the fact that praying can help couples gain a long-term perspective, interrupt negative thought patterns, access a relaxation response and engage in a dialogue with a supportive other (God).
Another important aspect of prayer is its ability to foster greater honesty in a marriage. Often when spouses are in conflict they avoid talking about it or they whitewash their problems to protect their feelings. However, when a spouse is willing to speak honestly about their needs and concerns in prayer they can be encouraged to do so in other parts of the marriage as well.
If you and your spouse do not already have a regular time to pray together, it is well worth the effort to start. It can be awkward at first, but as you work together to establish a consistent pattern you will find that it becomes more comfortable and natural. Keep in mind, though, that your prayer times must be focused on God and His concern for you and your spouse. Prayer must never be used as a way to get your own way or manipulate others.
3. Softens Angry Feelings
For a spouse to feel safe and loved in a marriage, it is important that they are able to express their feelings openly. Prayer is one of the most effective ways to do this. Couples can pray together on a regular basis, sharing all their hopes, dreams, concerns and frustrations with the God of the universe. This is true intimacy, the kind that is only possible with the Lord of all creation.
As a result, couples who make praying a daily ritual experience fewer arguments. This is because they are able to communicate with God directly about any difficult issues that may arise in their marriage. This is particularly helpful when feelings are raw and angry. For example, a woman who came to a Set Free meeting recently shared that she had been angry with her husband for months. When she began to pray about this issue, she felt like her rage was softened and that she could see the problem in a new light.
Similarly, a man who was struggling with anger toward his wife found that prayer helped him to reframe the situation. He was able to see his wife’s point of view in a way that helped him to forgive. When a husband and wife are united in their love for Jesus Christ, their relationship is strengthened by the power of prayer.
If you and your spouse have not yet made a habit of praying regularly together, it is important to start now. Begin by choosing a time each day when you can set aside time for this important activity. Then gradually increase the frequency of your prayer until it becomes part of your everyday routine.
4. Encourages Honesty and Humility
As you pray together with your mate, it’s important to communicate honest and respectfully about your needs. You’re likely to share things that you wouldn’t discuss casually with each other, and that can make your time together more intimate. Prayer is also a great time to share your appreciation for your mate. This will help strengthen your marriage by showing that you value and appreciate your mate, and it’ll also encourage humility in the relationship.
When a couple discusses and addresses their marital problems in prayer, it can be a powerful way to promote teamwork, communication, trust, forgiveness, and resolution. This is particularly useful in addressing difficult issues like infidelity and mistrust, which can be hard to address in daily conversations. Research shows that praying for one’s spouse during challenging times leads to increased relationship satisfaction, improved trust, respect, and commitment.
It isn’t fully understood why prayer can strengthen marriages, but it may have to do with the way in which religious couples experience their God during the act of praying. Some researchers believe that the benefits of prayer have to do with a therapeutic “couple-God triangle” in which the couple communicates with their God and seeks his help as an advocate for their relationship.
To get the most out of your prayer time with your mate, try to establish a consistent routine. You could start by spending just a few minutes together each day at first, and then gradually lengthen the time as you become comfortable with your shared experience. It’s important to remember that prayer is a two-way personal communication with a living, loving, omniscient God. It should be heartfelt and sincere, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable to express.
5. Increases Spiritual Growth
In addition to its direct spiritual benefits, prayer also encourages a heightened level of honesty and humility in married couples. As couples begin to open their hearts together before God, they communicate a special message of transparency and sincerity to one another that can only bring them closer together.
Often, couples who engage in couple prayer can reveal deep needs and concerns that they are not able to communicate in other times of their lives. Hearing her husband’s prayers can also help a wife discover cares of his heart that she may not have picked up on in conversation or other situations.
As a result of these spiritual experiences, prayer can strengthen marriages by increasing the love and compassion in a family’s heart. Couples can begin to show more empathy toward each other as well as towards others in need, leading to actions like volunteering or acts of kindness. This empathetic spirit can even extend beyond their immediate family, motivating them to address broader social issues such as poverty, hunger, and war.
It is important for couples to remember that prayer should not be a “chore” to do before they engage in their daily activities. It is a moment of intimacy that should be treasured and enjoyed, not rushed through. The enemy knows that he can use frustrations, arguments, and other distractions to discourage couples from engaging in couple prayer. The key is to keep it simple, starting small and working up over time. A couple can pray out loud or silently and it can be as short or long as each spouse prefers. It is the act of opening hearts to each other and to God that is the most important part of couple prayer.
